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Cultivating Confidence
Jacinta F. Rini
Have you experienced a crisis of confidence or in everyday language "not confident" in the face of a situation or problem? I'm sure almost everyone has experienced a crisis of confidence in a range of life, from childhood to adulthood and even into old age. Counseling rooms in many colored even this website with questions about the cases dealing with the crisis of confidence. Certainly, the loss of confidence into something that is very annoying, especially when faced with challenges or new situations. Individuals often say to myself, "I had not cowards like this .... why now become like this?" There is also a saying: "why I do not like him, who always believed in myself ... ... it seems there is always the less of me ... I am embarrassed to be me!"
In response to the above conditions will display a question in our minds: why is confidence so important in the lives of individuals. So if lack of confidence can be improved so as not to inhibit the development of the individual in performing daily tasks as well as in interpersonal relationships. If it taste kurnag confidence can be improved, whether steps should be done? These questions will I answer in this article.
Confidence
Confidence is the positive attitude of an individual who enabled him to develop a positive assessment of both the self and the environment / situation. This does not mean that the individual is able and competent to do everything by himself, aka "magic". High confidence that in fact only refers to the existence of some aspects of the individual's life where he felt competent, confident, capable and believes he can - because it was backed by the experience, the actual potential, achievements and realistic expectations of yourself.
Some of the features or characteristics of individuals who have a sense of confidence that is proportional, among others:
* Believe in competencies / abilities, so do not need praise, recognition, acceptance, or even respect other people
* Not motivated to show conformist attitude to be accepted by another person or group
* Dare to accept and face the rejection of others - dare to be yourself
* Have good self-control (not moody and emotionally unstable)
* Having an internal locus of control (see the success or failure, depending on the business yourself and do not easily give in to fate or circumstance, and not dependent / expect help from others)
* Having a positive outlook about yourself, the other mortal and circumstances beyond her
* Have realistic expectations of yourself, so that when hope is not realized, he was still able to see the positive side of himself and the situation that occurred.
Some of the features or characteristics of individuals who lack confidence, are:
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Trying to show conformist attitude, only to gain recognition and acceptance of group
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Saving fears / concerns about rejection
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Difficult to accept the reality of self (especially to receive deficiency dir) and contempt for the ability of yourself - but on the other hand put unrealistic expectations on yourself
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Pessimistic, easy to assess everything from the negative side
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Fear of failure, thus avoiding any risk and do not dare to set a target to succeed
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Tend to reject compliments sincerely intended (due to undervalue myself)
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Always place / position itself as the last one, because he was not able to assess
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Having an external locus of control (easy to give in to fate, sangattergantung on the circumstances and the recognition / acceptance and help from others)
Development of Confidence
Parenting
The expert believes that confidence is not obtained instantly, but through the process from an early age in life with his parents. Although many factors influence a person self-confidence, but the pattern of care and interaction of factors at an early age, is a fundamental factor for the formation of trust diri.Sikap parents, will be received by the child according to his perception at the time. parents who show love, attention, acceptance, love and affection and a genuine emotional attachment with the child, will evoke a sense of self percara on the child. Children will feel that they are valuable and precious in the eyes of her parents. And, although he made a mistake, from the attitude of the child's parents saw that he still respected and loved. Children loved and appreciated rather than depending on the achievements or good deeds, but because eksisitensinya. In later days the child will grow into individuals who can assess themselves positively and have realistic expectations of themselves - such as his parents put unrealistic expectations on him.
As with the parent who failed to give attention to children or like to criticize, often scold the child but if children do well never praised, never satisfied with the results achieved by children, or even as if to show their distrust in the capabilities and independence of children with an attitude increasing dependence on increasingly overprotective. Actions overprotective parents, inhibits the development of self-confidence in children because children do not learn to solve their own problems and challenges - everything is provided and assisted parents. Children will feel, that he was bad, weak, unloved, unneeded, always failing, never fun and happy parents. Children will feel inferior in the eyes of other siblings or in front of his friends.
According to psychologists, parents and community standards and expectations are often put less realistic for a child or any individual. Attitudes like comparing children, defame child's weaknesses, or even to discuss the advantages of other children in front of the children themselves, without conscious self-esteem dropped these children. In addition, people often unwittingly become a trend of creating a baseline standard of achievement or social acceptance. Examples of real cases that happened in the homeland, when a child's suicide did not trouble himself in the majors accepted into A1 (IPA), although he had attended in place of the elite; apparently the parents expect their children received at least A1 or A2 , so that could someday become a doctor. Or, parents who force their children follow lessons of this and that, just because the other kids too.
This situation ultimately encourage children to grow into individuals who could not accept him, because in the past (even today), everyone expected him to be someone who is not himself. In other words, to meet social expectations. Finally, children grow into individuals who have a pattern of thought: that to be accepted, valued, loved, and recognized, must please others and follow their wishes. At the time the individual is challenged to be themselves - they do not have the courage to do it. His confidence was so weak, while the fear is too great.
Negative Mindset
In social life, every individual has a variety of issues, events, meet new people, etc.. Individual reaction to a person or an event, heavily influenced by the way he thinks. Individuals with a weak self-esteem, tend to perceive things from a negative side. He did not realize that from within her was all the negativism come from. Mindset of individuals who lack confidence, are characterized by, among others:
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Emphasize the imperatives of self ("I should be like this ... I should be so"). When it fails, the individual's entire life was destroyed and his future.
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Totality of ways of thinking and dualism: "if I fail, I mean really bad"
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The futuristic pessimistic: one small failure, these individuals already feel will not succeed in reaching his goals for the future. For example, a value of C in one course, immediately thought she would never graduated.
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Not a critical and selective towards self-criticism: critical about themselves and believe that he deserved to be criticized.
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Labeling: easy to blame yourself and give negative titles like "I was stupid "..." I was destined to be a hard man", etc. ....
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Difficult to receive any praise or positive things from other people: when people praise sincerely, individual immediately felt bad and rejected the compliment. When given the opportunity and confidence to accept the job or role, the individual is immediately rejected with the reasons for inappropriate and not worthy to receive it.
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Likes to play down the success of the self: happy to remember and even exaggerate the errors made, but play down the success ever achieved. One tiny mistake, make a direct individuals feel to be useless.
Cultivating Confidence
To foster self-confidence that is proportional the individual must begin from within ourselves. This is very important to remember that only the individual who can overcome her lack of confidence that is being experienced. Some of the following suggestions may be feasible to consider if you're experiencing a crisis of confidence.
1. Objective self-evaluation
Learn to evaluate themselves objectively and honestly. Compile a list of "wealth" person, such achievements have ever achieved, positive qualities, both potential and that has not been actualized, skill, and opportunity or means to support themselves progress. Realize all your precious's assets and find assets that have not been developed. Learn obstacles that impede progress during this yourself, such as: patterns of faulty thinking, intentions and motivations are weak, lack of self discipline, lack of perseverance and patience, depending on help from others, or any other external causes. Results of the SWOT analysis and mapping (Strengths, Weaknesses, obstacles and threats) themselves, then used to create and implement self-development strategies are more realistic.
2. Give an honest appreciation of self
Recognize and appreciate even the smallest successes and the potential you have. Remember that it obtained through a process of learning, evolving and transforming themselves from earlier today. Ignore / underestimate just one accomplishment ever achieved, is to ignore or eliminate an impression that helps you find the right path towards the future. Inability to respect ourselves, encouraging the emergence of a desire that is not realistic and exaggerated; example: want to get rich quick, like a beautiful, popular, get an important position in every way. If further reviewed all of that actually originated from a chronic inferiority complex, self-denial, inability to respect ourselves - to trying desperately to cover up the authenticity.
3. Positive thinking
Try to fight against every assumption, prejudice or negative perceptions that arise in your mind. You can say to yourself, that nobodys perfect and its okay if I made a mistake. Do not let negative thoughts drag on without the conscious mind because it will continue to take root, branched and leafy. Grew and spread, more and more difficult to control, and cut. Do not let negative thoughts control your thoughts and feelings. Be careful that your future is not damaged due to wrong decisions generated by wrong thoughts. If thoughts come, try to write it for later in the re-view re-logically and rationally. In general, more people could see that those thoughts are untrue.
4. Use Self-Affirmation
To combat the negative thinking, use of self-Affirmation is in the form of words that evoke a sense of confidence. For example:
* I definitely can!
* I is the determinant of my own life. No one is allowed to specify my life!
* I can learn from this mistake. This error is indeed a very valuable lesson because it helps me to understand the challenges
* I am in control of this life
* I am proud of myself
5. Dare to take risks
Based on an objective understanding of self, you can predict the risk of facing any challenge. Thus, you do not need to avoid any risk, but rather to use the strategies to avoid, prevent or overcome any risk. For example, you do not need to please others to avoid the risk of rejection. If you want to develop themselves (not the self as expected by others), there must be risks and challenges. However, worse was silent and did not do anything about it rather than forward to grow by taking risks. Remember: No Risk, No Gain.
6. Learn to appreciate and enjoy the grace of God
There is a saying that says people who suffer most of his life are those who can not thank God for what has been received in life. This means that these individuals have never tried to see things from a positive standpoint. Even fro life so far was not seen as a gift from God. As a result, it can not be grateful for all blessings, wealth, abundance, achievement, employment, skills, expertise, money, success, failures, difficulties and various life experiences. He is like a person who always see a sunset, never seeing the sun rise. His life was filled with complaints, anger, jealousy and envy, jealousy, disappointment, resentment, bitterness and despair. With the "burden" as it is, how the individual can enjoy life and look at the good things that happened in his life? No wonder if he was seized with a sense of a chronic lack of confidence, since it is always comparing himself with people who make a "jealous" of his heart. Therefore, learn to be grateful for anything you experience and believe that God must have wanted the best for your life.
7. Establish realistic goals
You need to evaluate the goals you set for this, in the sense of whether that goal is realistic or not. By applying a more realistic goal, it will facilitate you in achieving that goal. Thus you will become more confident in taking steps, actions and decisions in achieving the future, while preventing unwanted risks.
Maybe there are some other effective ways to regenerate confidence. If you can do several things serpti suggested above, would anada will be free from crises of confidence. However one thing to remember is not good until you have confidence or over confidence berlebih-lebihan/overdosis. Confidence that an overdose was not drawing a healthy mental condition because it is the confidence that is false.
Excessive confidence in general is not sourced from the existing potential, but rather constituted by the pressures that may come from parents and community (social), to the underlying unconscious motivation of individuals to "must" become successful. In addition, any false perceptions that can lead to erroneous assumptions about ourselves until confidence is based not so large that the real capabilities. This also can be obtained from the environment in which the individual was raised, from friends (peer group) or from themselves (self concept that is not healthy). For example, a child who from birth instilled by parents, that he is special, special, smart, there would be a success, etc. - but in the journey of the children themselves have never had a track record of success are real and original (on the basis of their business itself). As a result, these children grow up to be a manipulator and authoritarian - manipulate, dominate and control others to get what he wants. Confidence on such individual is not based by real competence, but more on external support factors, such as wealth, position, connections, relationships, power back up the family, the name of the parents, etc.. Thus, if all attributes were stripped away, then the individual is not a nobody.